rosa

 

i saw you there that night you know – watching – seeing

i wanted to shield you

no child should see that – i wish i could make you unsee it

 

but you always saw – you looked when you weren’t meant to look

and you were not afraid to speak and act when you saw something you didn’t like

 

and you knew too didn’t you – there was always this knowing with you – not about worldly things but about people - about what lies underneath

 

my problem child you were – always speaking and acting out of turn

it pained me you know – you were so forthright

you didn’t seem to care that your looking and speaking would get you into trouble

would make you not fit

make it difficult for you to get a husband and a family

the important things

 

i wanted you to be happy, to be normal and to fit in – like i tried to be

but you weren’t and you didn’t

 

and you saw through me – my loneliness, my unhappiness, my need

i hated how you could see this in me

it made me feel weak and powerless

 

mothers are mothers and children are children

daughters are not meant to mother

 

your need to see and know and speak out – i wanted that

i wanted to be able to say

no – i’m not doing that

and no - that’s not right

and listen to me - I have a voice

and love me because i love you

i am worthy

 

but i couldn’t do these things

​

so i made them difficult for you